Hello.
I'm Ocean.
Here are some poems i wrote in and out of school.

This 1st piece I had done in school, I had to use the quote "First one lost, second one saved"
Hope you enjoy:


MORE COMING SOON
CNC, seeya.

Hi Ocean You CnC'ed my poem, now I'm gonna CnC yours

After reading your poem, I finally understood what melody in poetry meant. Your poems almost made me think of a tune for it Of course, I am no professional. but in all honesty, I don't see anything wrong about this.

100/8 cuz ur 2 gr8 4 me m8

first I was like "what" and then I totally was like "oh I see" omg this is deep poetry.

I think this part was a bit unnecessary
Crawling,
Slipping,
Bawling,
Dripping.

doesn't add much to the story bro. Even tho this is the kind of breaks you will see in real poetry (not that your poetry isn't real) I don't think you should have this, maybe figure out a different form of break.

The first 4 lines are a little bit jibberish, its nice that you want to set the scene and all, but it feels like kindergarten poetry

also everything rhymed perfectly until you rhymed gun with m1 and anymore with war. I see that the absence of rhyme can create an impact, but I don't feel it dood. I also think specifying what gun it is (m1) can take away some beauty.

But I feel like with some small adjustments this can become beautiful.

Yeah,
The poem looked to small, so i added it in there.
Wanted a better grade.

Anyways thank you both for the cnc.

Work on the story and try to pronounce the word in real life make it easy for a regular person to read
Like the poem stopping by the woods on a snowy evening. work on the rhymes
try not the use near rhymes but actual rhymes
and try to think of what rhyme order do you want like
the Poem Daffodils , Miller of the dee , Neem Tree and ETC
Oh and try to write a story like King bruce and the spider or casabianca

the 2nd stanza
Search for him , an impossible Task
Among the bodies a snowy mask
The Limited strength , a boost of hate
Unprepared for Inevitable fate

First Stanza was a bit hard to write since i couldn't find a melody in it
The Crashing dunes blew in despise
Explosions, I had to improvise

Half buried i Find , him in the sand
The gun still gripping in his right hand
Grabbing the M1 not anymore
It was more than hate, more than war

The first one lost second one saved
Is what the tombstone had engraved.
Peace
-----
and btw the size doesn't matter look at the poem voice of god
I sought to hear the voice of god
i climbed the top most steepl

but god declared go down again
i dwell among the people

It was a project for school.
So therefore I had to make it a certain length.

Also I think you just told me to read my poem as a I go along...
How do you think I get things to rhyme in the first place?

Re-writing my poem didnt really help me out either.

Thanks anyways dude.

Find Rhymes that Go well in the pattern