Original Post
Cooking with Rutz Vol.3
Bienvenue Mesdames et messieurs
Rutz est en train de cuisiner une grosse bite à la sauce au sperme
In other words, i've been cooking for the last few hours.
What i'm making tonight is VERY VERY special.
Cock in a Bacon Box with Salad
Also known as Rutz's version of a bacon explosion...with salad ( healthier that way )
Ingredients:
1 Pork Filet.
Bacon ( about 20 Slices to be on the safe side)
Your fav. BBQ Sauce.
Honey
NO FRIES ( i ended up not making them lol )
Bag of Toothpics ( you just need 2 of em)
Some Paprika Bells
1 Onion
Beer ( not in the picture >_< )
Right...
Préparation
We're starting of with a rather lame task this time, the pork filet..it usually looks like this when you buy it.
Let me tell you this, IT LOOKS LIKE A PENIS !!!! apart from that...all that white stuff there isnt semen ( not all of it at least) its mostly fat..we need to get rid of that ! Make sure you get a ridiculously sharp knife and remove MOST of it. After your done...cut it into a piece thats about...6-9 inches long ( i'm always cooking for 1 Person... )
Been there, done that...now, put it on a plate like i do and fill the plate with seasonings you like and roll that bitch around until its covered in that crap.
Result:
Now you have to rub and pound on it with seasonings..gives it a more...personal note.
ANYWAYS....Wrap that sucker up in some aluminium foil and put it into the oven at 80°C (Thats celsius..NOT FAHRENHEIT...) do the math yourself.
So, now we're at a really complicated stage, weaving bacon ( actual weaving...ask your mom if she ever did THAT ! )
Basicly you're trying to make a square weave, one part under..one part over...i made a gif animation for you guys lol.
OH GOD THAT SUCKS !
You'll end up with a nice, DELICIOUS looking piece of flat heart cancer. Drop some seasonings on it too...i myself always put some salad greens onto it.
looks like DAT afterwards.
Muahahah we got some spare time !
BEER TIME
After that well deserved beer...lets get back to work ! Its time to prepare the marinade, here are the ingredients i chose.
Honey
BBQ Sauce
Beer ( not kidding )
Thyme
Rosemary
Marjoram
Pepper
Protip: BBQ sauce first..then Honey, whirl that...add a few DROPS of beer ( this will help to dissolve the honey...no shit !) and then add the other spices...works like a charm. Also, add more honey if you think the whole marinade isnt solid enough...no worries, it wont be to sweet, just add that bee spit in there !
My version looked like this:
Depending on how long all of that took you, you might wanna check on the Pork filet thats still in the oven, mine took about ONE AND A HALF HOUR at 80°C to look like this:
Finally ready to wrap the filet into our beloved bacon.
Pretty easy too, drop it on top of the weave, and roll it in like...casual logic tells you to >_<
Easy isnt it ? Now use a spoon or whatever to soak the thing with your marinade, evenly..not like me..i spilt half of it !
Done ? Cool....Toss it into the oven at about 130°C ( NOT FAHRENHEIT FUCKO! ) Or just do what this animation tells you to...
I'm seriously getting hungry now, so i'm just assuming you guys now how to make salad..and keep the explaining to a minimum.
Paprika Bells...onion..
Peel...cut...slice...fap over....whatever.
Drop about 1 Spoon of Olive Oil, 2 Spoons of vinegar, Pepper...Salt...Mustard (Fuck yea ! ) bit of Soy Sauce and Salad greens into a bowl...add sliced stuff...whirl...be done with it !
thar:
Who cares about the Salad anyway....
Check and turn your meat every now and then, and as soon as you think its crunchy/crispy/solid enough, take it out and slice it into pieces.
Here is what i ended up with:
Nom...
FUCK YEA !
Bon Appetit
Last edited by Rutzor; Mar 22, 2010 at 10:28 AM.
<Alan> lol, rutz, it might be cool to smell your ass all the time you touch the mic
