I'm pretty sick of how you guys are treating this thread, it's time to do some serious talk imo.
Not sure how many of you guys are aware of it, but I've been having a pretty rough depression weighing me down for over two years now, this is part of an English assignment I recently wrote.
The topic is: What are you thoughts on life, and how do you handle living?
Feeling better than I have in a long time atm, met a nice girl and school isn't so bad
feelsgoodman.jpg
Not sure how many of you guys are aware of it, but I've been having a pretty rough depression weighing me down for over two years now, this is part of an English assignment I recently wrote.
The topic is: What are you thoughts on life, and how do you handle living?
Warning: Serious talk
Feeling better than I have in a long time atm, met a nice girl and school isn't so bad
feelsgoodman.jpg
I'm from Sweden too and it's basicly as you describe it. Being young is sweden is pretty though, especially if you are bullied or just can't handle school because of too much happening in your brain. But when sweden throws that rope to you you can be let down easily and make that rope your tool of suicide
(I know that's dark but it's true).
The life here is very different from other countries. It is hard but easy at the same time.
When the hapiness takes over you feel invincible and when the depression takes over you become the opposite. Sometimes when i'm at school i mostly just think about getting out as quick as possible. Before shit starts to go down. you get judged so fast here that the first word you say can ruin your reputation and you just lose the will to get back up and fight against others thoughts. I remember trying to get back up when everything was against me. it worked for a while, i lived up to what i wanted. Then it all comes back to you, you are still that guy that noone cares about. the depression comes back and you fall from the rope. You keep trying to get back up but it doesn't work. But when you finally make it and climb that rope you notice that there isn't much diffrence. All you find up there is just another rope. And after that another rope, then another, then another, And it just keeps on going until you notice that you are in one big loop. just emptyness with nothing to belive in. But as you keep trying you notice that maybe up isn't the right path. You start climbing down instead, you feel clever as you have finally found a better path to go. And then you are there. Back to reality. And you can finally leave the emptyness around you.
(I know that's dark but it's true).
The life here is very different from other countries. It is hard but easy at the same time.
When the hapiness takes over you feel invincible and when the depression takes over you become the opposite. Sometimes when i'm at school i mostly just think about getting out as quick as possible. Before shit starts to go down. you get judged so fast here that the first word you say can ruin your reputation and you just lose the will to get back up and fight against others thoughts. I remember trying to get back up when everything was against me. it worked for a while, i lived up to what i wanted. Then it all comes back to you, you are still that guy that noone cares about. the depression comes back and you fall from the rope. You keep trying to get back up but it doesn't work. But when you finally make it and climb that rope you notice that there isn't much diffrence. All you find up there is just another rope. And after that another rope, then another, then another, And it just keeps on going until you notice that you are in one big loop. just emptyness with nothing to belive in. But as you keep trying you notice that maybe up isn't the right path. You start climbing down instead, you feel clever as you have finally found a better path to go. And then you are there. Back to reality. And you can finally leave the emptyness around you.
"Cool delfin med solglajjor" -Larfen
Welp, depression? I was not aware of this. I've never had an all out depression myself, but i have been close on numerous occasions. If the close brushes are of any indication, depression is NOT a joking matter. Quite a vivid description of it you have there, which confirms that i have yet to experience it fully (thank goodness for that). I'm glad you're feeling better at the moment, here's hoping it'll keep going that way. c:
So, my thoughts on life? Well, here in Denmark we have pretty much the same potential issues as Sweden. I have all the opportunities in the world ahead of me, and yet i can't pick one. If i slow down to think, everything else runs ahead, and catching up is a right pain in the arse. The best i can do right now is to cling to the path i've chosen, and hope that i don't burn out or get lost in the process. It's been a major problem for me for a few years now, because beyond goofing around all day, i don't know what i want to do for a living, and with me getting older (22 years now), that's starting to become a problem. What i can say for sure is that i don't want to be stuck being unemployed or in a dead end job, so i pretty much NEED some sort of degree in something.
How i handle it?
...
Not sure if i even do. I try not to think too much of the far future, and instead think of today and maybe up to two days ahead. I try to be optimistic, but that's not easy when there are personal problems weighing me down, along with the ever present "did i make the right choice?" doubt that i hear is frighteningly common these days. More than one of my friends from my time studying geology have dropped out, and are dealing with this exact issue as much as i am. Hell, even my mom says she has had this problem, along with another problem i also have: Not being overly passionate about anything. The only thing so far that i have no problems with spending hours upon hours of each day on is gaming, and that's not a viable future for me. I like drawing, but i rarely have the drive or ideas to keep going for longer than an hour or two.
So, all the options we have today are both a blessing and a curse, as you say. While it means we can become what we want, all those options can be utterly overwhelming, and society REALLY wants you to pick one, and fast. That's stressful as fuck, and stress leads to a whole host of problems.
in other news i doodled a somewhat venty thing last night
So, my thoughts on life? Well, here in Denmark we have pretty much the same potential issues as Sweden. I have all the opportunities in the world ahead of me, and yet i can't pick one. If i slow down to think, everything else runs ahead, and catching up is a right pain in the arse. The best i can do right now is to cling to the path i've chosen, and hope that i don't burn out or get lost in the process. It's been a major problem for me for a few years now, because beyond goofing around all day, i don't know what i want to do for a living, and with me getting older (22 years now), that's starting to become a problem. What i can say for sure is that i don't want to be stuck being unemployed or in a dead end job, so i pretty much NEED some sort of degree in something.
How i handle it?
...
Not sure if i even do. I try not to think too much of the far future, and instead think of today and maybe up to two days ahead. I try to be optimistic, but that's not easy when there are personal problems weighing me down, along with the ever present "did i make the right choice?" doubt that i hear is frighteningly common these days. More than one of my friends from my time studying geology have dropped out, and are dealing with this exact issue as much as i am. Hell, even my mom says she has had this problem, along with another problem i also have: Not being overly passionate about anything. The only thing so far that i have no problems with spending hours upon hours of each day on is gaming, and that's not a viable future for me. I like drawing, but i rarely have the drive or ideas to keep going for longer than an hour or two.
So, all the options we have today are both a blessing and a curse, as you say. While it means we can become what we want, all those options can be utterly overwhelming, and society REALLY wants you to pick one, and fast. That's stressful as fuck, and stress leads to a whole host of problems.
in other news i doodled a somewhat venty thing last night
<Blam|Homework> oiubt veubg
various places to find me lol
various places to find me lol
Evaluate what you really need in life and what you really want from life, and find out as much as you can about how to get somewhere within that range. Sometimes the end result looks daunting, but it can sometimes be pretty relieving. At the very least, it puts perspective on what success can really look like for you.
Coming from upper middle class with highly educated parents, success was always painted as highly educated, putting in hard work for hours on end at a job that paid well, using your free time to stay ahead in your field, and saving as much money as you could for retirement. And I just couldn't handle the pressure that put me under with no release available. I didn't want to use my youth to earn economic freedom by the time my body had already started to fail me, I wanted to have time to enjoy myself when I was still young, but no option was ever presented. I retreated into video games to deal with the stress, which lead to me being less than successful in my classes, which increased my stress, which resulted in me gaming more to deal with the stress.
Eventually I attempted suicide. Obviously I failed, but it was my rock bottom. I've never reached that level since, but the next 3 years were not much better. I was a nervous wreck in unfamiliar groups, still struggle to this day with general and social anxiety, and I was certain that my life was doomed to fail. My grades were never great, but they had plummeted to just over a 2.0, an almost surefire gpa to not get accepted to any worthwhile college. Worse yet, I realized that I had no idea what direction I would have to take in my education to even get a job. I've basically floated through my generals in my first 3 years of college, only getting in on probation through outstanding college prep exam scores. I've also gotten myself suspended for my next semester because I couldn't find the motivation to complete my classes.
But I'm OK with that now. Eventually, I realized that the success I was supposed to pursue was not the success that was right for me. I can't handle large amounts of stress, and high paying jobs are typically high pressure jobs as well. Instead, I realized I just need a job that pays well enough that I can do what I want in my free time to deal with it. It wasn't a glamorous success that I needed, but a secure one. Some people may call it reaching for the low hanging fruit, but I argue whether there's anything wrong with that. For me, my greatest success would be achieving happiness. No pressure to do more than is necessary, no desire to earn more than what's required, no judgement on what I decide is right for me.
And because of that, I feel much more relieved. The spectre of failure isn't gone, but it definitely weighs on me a lot less. I now know that, even if I fail everyone else's expectations, so long as I meet my own, I can live happy.
It took me 10 years to realize it, but sometimes success can be a little affair. And it definitely warrants sitting down and thinking hard on what you can settle for in life. Lofty goals and ambitions are fun to have, but knowing what you can live with shows a much more manageable and closer goal to reach for. Whether you let that be a stepping stone to more, or your final destination can be decided when you reach there, but just knowing that the easier success is there can alleviate the fears of failure when aiming for something greater. It's not aiming for less, but securing a foundation to weather whatever setbacks might be thrown your way.
And try to remember, because I know it's hard to, but keep pressing forward when you feel down. When you feel like nothing can be done, just do something easy that keeps you moving. Clean a small corner of your room, make your bed, reorganize your desk, run a lap around the house, anything that shows a definitive end result. Just doing that something can alleviate a lot. I personally start punching a punching bag. My skin is often torn by the end of it, but it distracts me from doing something really stupid to myself. And the pain of it reminds me of why I don't ever want to go back to my lowest point again.
And I hope it helps to see how many people actually struggle with this. It's not a personal failure, it's very much a widespread phenomena.
Coming from upper middle class with highly educated parents, success was always painted as highly educated, putting in hard work for hours on end at a job that paid well, using your free time to stay ahead in your field, and saving as much money as you could for retirement. And I just couldn't handle the pressure that put me under with no release available. I didn't want to use my youth to earn economic freedom by the time my body had already started to fail me, I wanted to have time to enjoy myself when I was still young, but no option was ever presented. I retreated into video games to deal with the stress, which lead to me being less than successful in my classes, which increased my stress, which resulted in me gaming more to deal with the stress.
Eventually I attempted suicide. Obviously I failed, but it was my rock bottom. I've never reached that level since, but the next 3 years were not much better. I was a nervous wreck in unfamiliar groups, still struggle to this day with general and social anxiety, and I was certain that my life was doomed to fail. My grades were never great, but they had plummeted to just over a 2.0, an almost surefire gpa to not get accepted to any worthwhile college. Worse yet, I realized that I had no idea what direction I would have to take in my education to even get a job. I've basically floated through my generals in my first 3 years of college, only getting in on probation through outstanding college prep exam scores. I've also gotten myself suspended for my next semester because I couldn't find the motivation to complete my classes.
But I'm OK with that now. Eventually, I realized that the success I was supposed to pursue was not the success that was right for me. I can't handle large amounts of stress, and high paying jobs are typically high pressure jobs as well. Instead, I realized I just need a job that pays well enough that I can do what I want in my free time to deal with it. It wasn't a glamorous success that I needed, but a secure one. Some people may call it reaching for the low hanging fruit, but I argue whether there's anything wrong with that. For me, my greatest success would be achieving happiness. No pressure to do more than is necessary, no desire to earn more than what's required, no judgement on what I decide is right for me.
And because of that, I feel much more relieved. The spectre of failure isn't gone, but it definitely weighs on me a lot less. I now know that, even if I fail everyone else's expectations, so long as I meet my own, I can live happy.
It took me 10 years to realize it, but sometimes success can be a little affair. And it definitely warrants sitting down and thinking hard on what you can settle for in life. Lofty goals and ambitions are fun to have, but knowing what you can live with shows a much more manageable and closer goal to reach for. Whether you let that be a stepping stone to more, or your final destination can be decided when you reach there, but just knowing that the easier success is there can alleviate the fears of failure when aiming for something greater. It's not aiming for less, but securing a foundation to weather whatever setbacks might be thrown your way.
And try to remember, because I know it's hard to, but keep pressing forward when you feel down. When you feel like nothing can be done, just do something easy that keeps you moving. Clean a small corner of your room, make your bed, reorganize your desk, run a lap around the house, anything that shows a definitive end result. Just doing that something can alleviate a lot. I personally start punching a punching bag. My skin is often torn by the end of it, but it distracts me from doing something really stupid to myself. And the pain of it reminds me of why I don't ever want to go back to my lowest point again.
And I hope it helps to see how many people actually struggle with this. It's not a personal failure, it's very much a widespread phenomena.
nyan :3
Youtube Channel i sometimes post videos of other games
Youtube Channel i sometimes post videos of other games
Okay so, I typed up this long wall of text earlier but my firefox restarted. So lemme try this one more time.
Depression huh? That's a familar ground in my case, but I'm glad that you're feeling better now, I know how it feels to be trapped in that pit of sadness.
Now. How do I handle life, hm. Pretty well, but I felt as though my life was one massive punchline waiting to happen. Growing up in poverty, and being raised by a single mom and some relatives in this god forsaken country was enough, but being neglected and abused was a little too much. People say that I'm brilliant, smart, and has so much going on for my future, but that was really hard to see with all the unwarranted advances, neglect, bullying, abuse, and a little beating up here and there. So that explains much in my formative years. Due to all those I became a deranged young little hermit that is jaded with life, I retreated in my world of books and my own thoughts. I didn't make any friends because I did not trust anyone. I was sullen and I thought a lot about what has been going on.This all happened before the age of 13, I was forced to grow up early and I hate it.
Highschool was hilarious, it was a huge joke and I hate it, my family's socio-economic status improved tenfold due to the opportunities presented to them and kudos to that. But all the while their life was happening, they missed mine and I'm actually okay with that. But my own mental state plagued me, nightmares never stopped visiting me, and every waking moment was a tug-of-war with breaking down.Though I became a little less sane. Somehow, it feels as though that I am so detached from human beings, like they're not someone I care or sympathize about. even up to this day I still feel this huge gap between me and other people. And with the thought that my past was a nightmare, and my present is a living torment, I knew that I my future was doomed. So I went and decided to end it all. But what happened was so stupid.
I used some rope i found in a pair of cheap boardshorts, and I thought that it was thick enough to do the job but nope. What happened to the rope is what happened to me. A low cost, poorly-made low quality product that broke under extreme pressure. And I wasn't really too light after all. After this malady, i went in to some deep thinking. It brought me back to reality actually. But god fucking damn, while kids my age are thinking about their crushes or how are they going to be able to buy that shitty pop album or whatever, I'm rethinking my life and that in itself felt ridiculous.
Wanting to end it all was a stupid thought, sooner or later, I met some friends. Or rather, they met me. And the bastards actually helped me in getting through. They knew that I'm not particularly in touch with my sanity, and they're okay with it. Helped me get through life one step at a time. My relationship with my family improved after a clusterfuck of drama, but we're all well and good. And I met a girl. Well, several. Then stuck with one.
Then, currently I'm at my first year in one of the top colleges in my country and I'm better than what I used to be, and I am well aware on what's going to happen isn't going to be smooth sailing, I still have a shitton of issues and I only have a vague outline on what I want to do with my life, but with all the chances given to me, I'd not want to waste it. I might be a little sick in the head, but I know that I shouldn't let my past drag me down. In my country where the gap between upper middle class to the lower class is almost nonexistent, and I'd not want me or my family slip lower again.
Y'all should never give up, you guys are pretty damn cool.
Depression huh? That's a familar ground in my case, but I'm glad that you're feeling better now, I know how it feels to be trapped in that pit of sadness.
Now. How do I handle life, hm. Pretty well, but I felt as though my life was one massive punchline waiting to happen. Growing up in poverty, and being raised by a single mom and some relatives in this god forsaken country was enough, but being neglected and abused was a little too much. People say that I'm brilliant, smart, and has so much going on for my future, but that was really hard to see with all the unwarranted advances, neglect, bullying, abuse, and a little beating up here and there. So that explains much in my formative years. Due to all those I became a deranged young little hermit that is jaded with life, I retreated in my world of books and my own thoughts. I didn't make any friends because I did not trust anyone. I was sullen and I thought a lot about what has been going on.This all happened before the age of 13, I was forced to grow up early and I hate it.
Highschool was hilarious, it was a huge joke and I hate it, my family's socio-economic status improved tenfold due to the opportunities presented to them and kudos to that. But all the while their life was happening, they missed mine and I'm actually okay with that. But my own mental state plagued me, nightmares never stopped visiting me, and every waking moment was a tug-of-war with breaking down.Though I became a little less sane. Somehow, it feels as though that I am so detached from human beings, like they're not someone I care or sympathize about. even up to this day I still feel this huge gap between me and other people. And with the thought that my past was a nightmare, and my present is a living torment, I knew that I my future was doomed. So I went and decided to end it all. But what happened was so stupid.
I used some rope i found in a pair of cheap boardshorts, and I thought that it was thick enough to do the job but nope. What happened to the rope is what happened to me. A low cost, poorly-made low quality product that broke under extreme pressure. And I wasn't really too light after all. After this malady, i went in to some deep thinking. It brought me back to reality actually. But god fucking damn, while kids my age are thinking about their crushes or how are they going to be able to buy that shitty pop album or whatever, I'm rethinking my life and that in itself felt ridiculous.
Wanting to end it all was a stupid thought, sooner or later, I met some friends. Or rather, they met me. And the bastards actually helped me in getting through. They knew that I'm not particularly in touch with my sanity, and they're okay with it. Helped me get through life one step at a time. My relationship with my family improved after a clusterfuck of drama, but we're all well and good. And I met a girl. Well, several. Then stuck with one.
Then, currently I'm at my first year in one of the top colleges in my country and I'm better than what I used to be, and I am well aware on what's going to happen isn't going to be smooth sailing, I still have a shitton of issues and I only have a vague outline on what I want to do with my life, but with all the chances given to me, I'd not want to waste it. I might be a little sick in the head, but I know that I shouldn't let my past drag me down. In my country where the gap between upper middle class to the lower class is almost nonexistent, and I'd not want me or my family slip lower again.
Y'all should never give up, you guys are pretty damn cool.
Last edited by sprytryne; Dec 8, 2014 at 01:43 AM.
ORMO
Replay Thread
Replay Thread
