Oof, close call! Comrade shook no like close calls. :c
Anyways, your moves are solid, the only thing that really brings it to this close call is that they kind of lack that WHOA-factor that blows me off my chair and into the wall. Thus, i must regrettably inform you that it's a no, but you're close, so keep trying!
Disclaimer: I operate by "if in doubt, it's a no", so it's entirely possible that i may seem unfair compared to the other recruiters. Just for the record, it's not against anyone personally.