More detailed things other that a quick post due to IRC and my drunken female friend who wanted in.
I regret my first time, I honesty do. Since I was 13 I was heart stricken by a girl by the name of Annie. She was amazing.. I would do anything for her and I would stand by her side as her friend, but with the occasional hint. I would sit next to her in most of my lessons, non-stop chatting and getting to know her to mould myself to what I thought she wanted...
She went to this social thing once a week, and after a year or so I went too with another friend. I didn't realise at the same time that they were the same one. So, I turn up and try to show her something new in me; something to show her that me being there would show a new side of me so I could start again. This did not go to plan...
She took that as me moving in on her friends and territory, even when we were so close. Not to mention me coming in and acting as perfect as I could be caught the attention of another girl there.
I needed the practice around girls, so I would flirt with everyone but the one I wanted because I was too embarrassed. Another bad move, she thought I didn't like her.
One of the girls, Ellen, fell in like with me. Serious 'like'. She dumped her boyfriend and asked me out within the space of 10 minutes or so. Me being too kind, I said yes.. She'd guilt me into bed where I forced myself to act like I enjoyed it. I hated it. We slept with each other 3 weeks after my first kiss. I was not saving that for her.
That relationship lasted just over 5 months of torture and I soon moved on but my connection with the girl I loved so much never rekindled. I regret my first time.. I no longer have anything as special to give to the next person I feel that way about. I go from girl to girl; maybe the occasional guy.
I suppose it taught me where to stand with people and when I should act.
Quickly and confidently, but not too strongly.
I do not think I will find another Annie.
If you have a chance now I suggest you take it... I'd give anything to go back and teach myself what I know now. Things could have been so good.
Knowing never is better than never knowing!