meh, why do sketches like these always come up when im at work and havent got that tutorial JC linked us to on hand?
basically, head proportions are way off.
and the way you used your pencil is also, not exactly... right
if you look at the drawing here
http://bendover-za.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d204231
that i made a year or 2 ago
you can see how i used my lines to create direction and depth.(YES MY CRAP HB CLUTCH PENCIL LINES SERVE A PURPOSE!4!$@#$!@)
you want to use your pencil in line with the flow of the curve of the face. sort of.
as apposed to drawing vertical lines like you have. its all about practise.
the more you draw, the better you get