You: hi
You: asl?
Stranger: want to talk dirty?
You: depends, what's your asl? ;)
Stranger: 21 m usa
You: ooooh
You: 19 f usa
Stranger: you a virgin?
You: yeah
You: not in mind though ;)
Stranger: ")
Stranger:
Stranger: i want to tell you about the sex i want to have with you
Stranger: you alone right now?
You: ooh yeah
You: rather lonely here
You: oooooh, ccan we roleplay?
Stranger: sure
You: I'll be the Christian girl, coming in for a confession
Stranger: and i am the priest?
You: yeah
You: Father, i have a confession to make
Stranger: what have you done my child?
Stranger: tell me and you shall be forgiven
You: i
You: i want you
You: i want all of you
You: i want to suck you, so badly ;)
Stranger: hey now my child
Stranger: you know that i am a celibate priest
Stranger: and could never do such thing
You: ohh, come now
You: we are alone
Stranger: that is very sinful
Stranger: we need to pray for you
Stranger: come over here
You: ok
Stranger: and let us pray together
Stranger: come kneel next to me and talk to the lord
You: k
Stranger: tell him all your sinful desires
You: Lord
Stranger: so that he may take them awayh
You: i like to pleasure myself
You: i like to put my fingers in myself
You: and
You: i want to pleasure my Priest
Stranger: i move around uncomfortably
Stranger: well then
Stranger: those are natural desires my girl
Stranger: but they must be supressed
You: but why?
You: why should we suppress great pleasure?
Stranger: it is god's will
Stranger: it is dirty
Stranger: but i must say i was dirty like you once
You:
Stranger: before I became a priest
Stranger: i had sexual relatinos with a girl
Stranger: who looked alot like you
You: mm
Stranger: it was amazing
but i felt so gulity after wards
You: ohh, i do not see why God would be angry
You: you were happy
Stranger: you can make me very happy right now
come to my office and I am gonna teach you a lesson you wont soon forget
You: yes, Father
Stranger: we go into the office and you sit down
You: i'm here Father
Stranger: your skirt is super short
Stranger: and i see that you have no panties on

Stranger: i try to get ahold of myself
You: i didn't want to wear them
Stranger: but simply cant
Stranger: I unzip my pants
You: oooh
Stranger: and you come over to behind my desk
Stranger: I tell you to bend over for a spanking
You: oooh, have i been bad?
Stranger: I pull up your skirt
Stranger: and smack your cute ass
You: ooh yeah, have i been bad Father?
Stranger: the whole time my cock is growing to its 8 inches
Stranger: you have been very bad
Stranger: and i must punish you for it
Stranger: now stand up
You: of course, Father
Stranger: i sit you on my desk
Stranger: spread your legs apart and put my two fingers inside of you
You: oooh, Father
Stranger: your pussy is so tight and wet
You: oooh, Father i like that
Stranger: i order you to take off your shirt
You: yes Father
Stranger: I start to grope your tits and kiss them passionately
You: ooh yeah
Stranger: I suddenly pick you up
Stranger: bend you over my desk
Stranger: and start to fuck you wildly from behind
Stranger: holding your hands behind your back
You: ooooooh oooooh ooooh ooooh ohhhh ooooh
Stranger: and slamming you with my hard cock
You: Ohh FFatherrrrr
You: iii have another cconfession
Stranger: i keep pounding you
Stranger: i am about to explode
You: i'm a guy
You: 17 m
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: hi

You: asl?

Stranger: heyy

Stranger: whats up?

Stranger: 16 f usa

Stranger: u?

You: 21 f usa

You: you lesbian?

You: inb4disconnect

Stranger: ya

Stranger: well, idk

Stranger: i like girls

Stranger: and i made out with one

Stranger: but ive never like eaten a pussy or anything

Stranger: but i wanna try

You: mm, a little bi-curious ;)

Stranger: ya, haha, gotta start somewhere, huh?

You: nothin wrong with that

Stranger: but girls turn me on like crazy

Stranger: like, i cant even look at dicks, but i love pics of girls, haha

You: same

Stranger: haha

Stranger: so can i see you?

You: i prefer not to give out pics online

You: but

You: not all is lost

You: XXXXXX (not putting any of these links here, to avoid infractions)
Stranger: haha, how so? all i do is tinypic...

You: quite an excellent pic as a consolation ;)

Stranger: hahaha awww

Stranger: i prefer real pics, tho...haha

Stranger: but i guess this is better than nothin ;)

You: yeah

Stranger: ugh, i hate the internet sometimes. it just says FUCK YOU

Stranger: and doesnt like me

You: lol

You: it's taking forever to load for you too?

Stranger: yaa

You: try this

You: XXXXX

You: the pic on the left especially

Stranger: but most everything has been screwy for me lately... (

Stranger: shit is that really her?

Stranger: i hate her acting, but i would not mind going down on that body...

You: ooh yeah

You: i don't know if the one on the left is Photoshopped or not, but if it is then damn it's a good one

Stranger: ignorance is bliss

You:

Stranger: bah, tumblr keeps screwin up on me too, and thats the source of 90% of my fav pics

You: hm

You: you need an account to view other pics?

Stranger: no, but you do if you wanna follow them

Stranger: i made one

Stranger: its suuuper easy

Stranger: hahaha

Stranger: XXXXX

Stranger: thats one of my favs

Stranger: XXXXX

Stranger: and that one

Stranger: XXXXX

Stranger: and that one

Stranger: haha

Stranger: i've got like 30

You: mm

Stranger: haha

Stranger: you dont wanna share anything (

You: don't have anything :P

Stranger: awww :P loser

Stranger: i love trading pics, haha

You: lol

Stranger: haha, you can't take any?

Stranger: its not often i find another girl on here

Stranger: usually i swap pics with guys...not the same...hahaha

You: ehh, plenty of girls, not many lesbians :P

Stranger: haha

Stranger: well there is that

Stranger: but then i can usually pretend to be a guy, hahaha

You: true

Stranger: hahaha

Stranger: so what do you like to do?

You: finger myself till i go blind from the pleasure

You: :P

Stranger: hahaha

Stranger: i mean on here :P haha

Stranger: but i love that too

Stranger: i usually cum like 3 or 4 times

Stranger: till i get a really good one and cant open my eyes for a minute

You: mmmmmmmm

You: i might try that right now

You: 3 fingers

Stranger: hahaha

Stranger: i can only fit 2

Stranger: you ever finger your ass?

You: eh, not fingered

You: too dirty there for my taste

You: i have other means though ;)

Stranger: haha, i used the handle of an old toothbrush i was about to throw away once

You: hmm, that works

Stranger: but fingering is okay for me if i wash my hands right after haha

You: i actually have a spare toothbrush, you know the motorized ones that vibrate etc.

Stranger: whats your favorite thing to use?

You: not for my ass though :P

Stranger: ohhh, i never got one of those

Stranger: would love it though

Stranger: yeah, perfect for my clit

You: hell yeah

You: heck, buy 2

You: 1 for your clit, the other goes in

Stranger: hahaha

Stranger: ya

Stranger: whats your favorite thing?

You: make sure they're not too scratchy

You: thing for what? ;)

Stranger: masturbating

You: mm, the Toothbrush

You:

Stranger: haha

Stranger: sounds great

Stranger: i might just have to find one

Stranger: you like dicks at all?

You: should definitely try it

You: nahh

You: if they're in a pic i can sometimes deal with it

You: girl-on-girl all the way though :3

Stranger: i dont like guys, just cuz they're all asses, and dicks...eh, they're an okay fuck, but never stellar

Stranger: i really wanna get with a girl

You: hm

Stranger: i'm just nervous, cant really find one easily

Stranger: but i do love giving head

You: well, keep trying, you'll find the right gal eventually

Stranger: i just love the feel of it, and i love cum

Stranger: but i really love the taste of my own pussy, haha

You: lol

You: i'm not flexible enough to get down there

Stranger: thats why i think i'd like eating out another girl

Stranger: haha, i just lick my fingers

You: but damn i'm excersizing to try

Stranger: no way could i lick myself

You: (sp?)

You: excercising*?

Stranger: ?

You: can't remember how's it's spelled lol

Stranger: hahaha

Stranger: i dont even care, haha

Stranger: now im gettin horny

You: exercising, that's right

Stranger: bah, i really wish i could see you :P jerkface

You: thank you Google :P

You: lol

Stranger: hahaha

You: well, just try out both that pic i linked, and the toothbrush thing

You: anyways, i got to go

Stranger: awww

Stranger: (

Stranger: well it was fun...

You: good luck in your endeavours, you dirty beast you ;P

Stranger: you have facebook?

Stranger: haha, thanks

You: nope :P

Stranger: aww...

Stranger: okay, i'll miss you

You: same to you :')

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says. "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone."

Did you hear about the guy who entered a joke contest with 10 really corny puns? He was hoping 1 would win, but no pun in ten did.

I recently heard about a radio competition where the Grand Prize was a huge party at the location of your choice. All food and drinks were provided and the centrepiece was a large circus tent, full of disco lights and music and decorations.

Well, a local man won and the party came to town. As they were setting up the tent and all the accoutrements, a semi-trailer arrived full of hot dogs, which were to be the food provided at the party.

Unfortunately, the truck was not secured properly and thousands of pounds of hot dogs came pouring out of the back. Even worse, the man who’d won the prize in the first place was directly in the path of this massive wave of pork and within seconds he was completely covered in meat!

He was furious, stamping his feet and yelling that his party had been ruined. In light of this, the host of the competition was heard to remark “Now is the winner of our Disco Tent made gory and sombre by this ton of pork”.

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken

Did you hear about the guy who was flash frozen to absolute zero?

He's 0K now.

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left half of his body in an accident?

He's all right now.

There's two number 5's lol